This is part 2 of my review/breakdown of what I learned by reading “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.
Part 2 of this awesome book is titled “Six Ways to Make People Like You”
Without further delay, here are the six ways:
Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere
This chapter tells us to “Become genuinely interested in other people”. I think in a sense this may overlap the points made in Part 1, Chapter 3, in as far as expressing a problem in terms of another person’s interests. This chapter, however, goes more into the importance of merely enjoying the presence of each other.
Carnegie gives excellent analogies in this chapter to support his teaching. The most memorable analogy is a retelling Carnegie gives of his own childhoold puppy, Tippy. Tippy would await anxiously each day as Dale would come home from school, and happily pounce on him and devour and shower him with those kisses that only dogs can really give. He tells us that dog is man’s best friend because a dog is never, while “talking” with us, worrying about tomorrow’s schedule or what he’s going to “say” next.
The point here? Try and REALLY, REALLY listen when talking to someone. Hear what the person is saying, both verbally and non-verbally. Don’t worry about what you’re going to say next. If it’s really important when it comes your turn, you’ll still have it in mind.
A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression
This chapter focuses on the power of a genuine smile. It’s been shown, both in Carnegie’s time and more so now, that a simple smile can reverse any negative mood for the better.
Not much more I can say about it here.
If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble
Remember this, if you remember nothing else, and you will automatically be 100% better than the majority of people out there. The sweetest sounding word to any person, in any language, is the sound of their own name.
If you have a problem remembering names, invest some time into developing a system to remember them better. The payoff is immense. I’ve already been fairly decent at remembering names, and I can tell you it’s awesome the amount of respect that is sent your way from merely remembering a name. Especially so are the hard-to-pronounce names. How many people do you know who have a name so hard to pronounce or spell, that nicknames get used instead? Do yourself a favor, ask the person how to say their name, or ask someone else who already knows. It will pay you back in spades.
An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist
If you want to be regarded as the best talker on the planet, talk less. When engaging someone in a conversation, ask the person about the last vacation they took, the car they drive, how they met their partner/spouse, etc. Find something that they like to talk about, ask them about it, and shut up while they talk. Don’t interrupt (although, if they tend to be chronic interrupters themselves, doing so every so often may serve to build rapport).
Get ’em talking, and be a good listener.
How To Make People Like You Instantly
This is a very powerful tip that, when used properly, will help bolster a person’s self-esteem. This focuses on making the other person feel important, and doing it sincerely. There is a difference between genuine appreciation and flattery. Flattery is fake and can be spotted miles away in pitch black. Find something you can genuinely appreciate about the person, and tell them about it.
A personal example for me, is one night while I was delivering a pizza. I was handing a pizza to this lady who I thought had extremely beautiful eyes. Sorta had that dreamy looking quality to them. Kinda like Vanessa Williams’ eyes. So, I said, as I handed her pizza, “If I may say so without sounding totally weird, you have beautiful eyes.”
Needless to say, she brightened up and said “Thank You!”
No doubt she had a good evening, and all it REALLY cost me was an extra 2 seconds of time. Free for me, priceless for her.
Well, that concludes part 2. Let me know of any personal examples you’ve got using these ideas.
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